Mother's Hierarchy of Needs

Back in the good old days of my college education, we did a lot of studying about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and how it pertains to a child's ability to learn and function.  You see, there are some basic "needs" every human essentially must have met in order to function at the next level.  The levels are (from least to most basic):

• Self-Actualization
• Esteem
• Love/belonging
• Safety
• Physiological

I won't bore you with the details of all of them, but I will explain that the very basic level, Physiological, pertains to things such as eating, drinking, sleeping, breathing, sex (pphhhttt), using the bathroom...

...you get the point.

Now, how many mothers out there are snorting and laughing because, AS YOU KNOW, those basic needs don't always get met for "mama?"  Actually, I would say that not a day goes by that I  barely meet the basic requirements to sustain my own life.  Let's just be frank here.  We all know what  it's like to hold your bladder during the 67 minutes it took your child to fall asleep.  Can I get an amen?!?!

According to old Maslow, one could not proceed to the next level unless most, if not all, of the basic needs of the previous category were met.  Or if they did, they were not very successful.

Take for instance, Level 4: Esteem.  Self-esteem, to be exact.  How you value yourself.  How you look at yourself in the mirror each day and think, "Gee, self, you're just the rootin'est tootin'est!"  How you respect yourself as a human being and individual.  Your confidence in self. Knowing you deserve better and, by golly, demanding it.

Um.  Yeah, no.

As a mother, you get used to putting others before yourself.  It comes natural (er...usually).  You make sure everyone is fed, bathed, dressed, maintained, and occupied before you even THINK of sitting in front of the TV with a cup of coffee and that issue of  Better Homes and Gardens magazine you've been trying to read since October (pumpkins, anyone?). And even if you DO reach that point of solitary bliss, don't get too comfortable, because it's only gonna last about 8.3 seconds.

I'm not here to complain.  I'm here to rally on behalf of self-sacrificing mothers everywhere.  See, we go through life concentrating so much on putting others (read: children and husbands) first that we often neglect ourselves.  We are barely meeting the basic requirements for life, people!  I mean, hello!  EATING, SLEEPING, and URINATING are at the very bottom of the list.  THE VERY BOTTOM.  Yet what do most moms, especially newbies, complain about the most?  Not having time to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom!  How on earth do we expect ourselves to ever maintain relationships, goals, self-esteem, and all that other psychological stuff if we don't even make sure we're eating more than the leftover goldfish crackers from our child's lunch?

Sooo, what got me on this little soapbox today?  Why, I'm so glad you asked.  For the past two days I was battling what is possibly one of the WORST illnesses a mommy could contract: stomach virus.  Oh yes (oh no!).  Nothing is [seemingly] worse than changing a stinky diaper when all you feel like doing is "tossing your cookies."  Nobody says, "Gee, I'd just love to stand here at the kitchen sink and peel potatoes for soup tonight while I'm too weak and dehydrated to even put together a cohesive thought."  And no one should ever have to wear a path between the bathroom and the nursery because you're holding back the "inevitable" during what seems to be a never-ending pre-sleep snuggle-fest with your toddler.

No.  Just no.

You should have the same "rights" as every other human being.  And you should be able to utilize those rights when need be.  But unfortunately, we (moms) don't always have the option to stay in bed all day.  There are no "sick days" when you're a mom, especially when you stay at home with the little dears all day.  So we press on.  We sacrifice ourselves for the better cause and choke back yesterday's pseudo-lunch of leftover goldfish crackers while tending to the needs of those who rely on us.  And sadly, we've done it to ourselves.  We've created a world where we have to do it all and be it all or else it falls apart.

Would it not have been so easy to simply ask my husband to make dinner?  Yes.  But as he stood in front of me asking what to make, all I could think in my little dehydrated mind was, "Dang it.  I should have bought a frozen lasagna."  But no, I insist on making home-cooked meals from scratch each night; and doing it myself is a whole lot easier than explaining to someone else how to do it (Much like how it's easier to just drag your sick self to school than it is to write out 5 pages of sub plans in hopes that some order will be maintained while you're lying in bed with strep.  But I digress.).  It's virtually impossible to sit through a hot bath, much less enjoy it, while you listen to your toddler screaming bloody murder because mommy always "does bedtime." Which, might I add, has become the ritual for the past 20 months because it's just quicker and easier that way.  It's just easier to do it myself.  Easier for me, easier for them.  Just, easier.  That is, until we (I) get sick, or injured, or need a night out with friends.  Then suddenly, it's not so easy.  And thus the point of this whole post...

Mamas, make sure your basic needs are getting met.  Take care of yourself.  And by golly, teach someone else how to take care of you.  Or in the very least, maintain the house and children while you're "out of order."  I learned something these past two days:  I don't take care of myself.  And I need to start.  I let my very basic needs go to the wayside while I'm trying to clean the house, prepare 3 square meals + snacks, teach/entertain/care for a toddler, make grocery lists, balance the bank account, gather coupons, schedule everything around nap time, fix/find/sort/organize ______, maintain a routine, and just "be" there for everyone.  And sometimes, it's all before I even get to go to the bathroom for the first time of the day.

And whose fault is it?  Nobody but my own.  I've made it too easy for everyone but myself.

So, from here on out, I vow to start taking better care of myself.  And I need to create a "back up plan" for when I just. can't. deal. anymore.  I am more than a physical being.  I am a person (ha ha...well duh).  Part of who I am is my psychological, emotional, and spiritual self.  I can't be a whole person unless I am tending to the very basic requirements of life.  So, that's where I stand.  I will start taking better care of myself.  And you know what, this advice goes out to anyone who has given too much of themselves to ANY person or job.  And yes, being a full-time SAHM is a job.  But that's another post for another day. ;)

Take care of you.  Love yourself.  Because you're loved and needed by somebody you love even more. :)

So we meet again...

In case you haven't noticed, I get into a habit of updating regularly, then dropping off the face of the planet for a month. It's not that I don't enjoy blogging - I do. It's just that, as the saying goes, I have many rods in the fire. Wait... Is that right? Did I just make that up? Ha!

One thing I HAVE stuck with lately is diet and exercise! I'm officially BELOW my prepregnancy weight! Woop woop! I still have a way to go until my first goal, but eating clean (usually) and throwing in cardio 4 or 5 times a week has helped me drop several pounds. No big secret. Count my calories, eat whole foods, and workout. And when I say workout, please know I mean a 20 minute DVD or a walk/run. Nothing fancy. I don't have a desire to look perfect or have rippling abs. Because in order to keep those perfect abs, I'd have to workout insanely every day for the rest of my life! I settle for looking trim and tone and still having time to do other things. Like blog. At midnight.

Getting Fit!

I'm still rocking out the 1 am bedtime. Unfortunately there just aren't enough hours in the day. Corbin is into EVERYTHING these days, so I've been coming up with lots of activities to keep him busy/occupied. Sidewalk chalk had been a hit. Finger paints were surprisingly a dud. Water colors were fun because it included his favorite thing - water. He enjoys helping me prepare food and clean. If you need something thrown away or spoons put in the dishwasher, he's your man! Actually, he's mine. Get your own!

I intended to write a whole blog about our first family vacation... But *sigh* there just isn't much to write about. We went to Myrtle Beach and it rained 3 out of 5 days we were there. The few times we went out on the beach, Corbin wasn't a fan of the ocean. I think most little kids aren't. He did enjoy digging around in the sand. His favorite part was the outside kiddie wade pool! It was perfect for Corbin and the sprinklers and sprayers were extra exciting for him. He played so hard, he even took a nap poolside a couple of times! That does NOT normally happen. Ever.

Getting sleepy...

OUT!

He slept through so much noise!

Beach baby!

Not so "shore" about the ocean. See what I did there?

Feeling brave (both of us!)

Miss it!

We had lots of swimming lessons in the inside pool while it was raining (which it did... a lot.). Corbin is a natural! He already has no issues having his face drenched in water. It didn't take him long to get the concept of kicking his legs. I want to keep up his lessons this summer... But that would require a pool. Hmmm... Anybody with a pool need a new best friend?!

This does not count.

Also new in my life, my sister will be visiting this summer from South Korea. She and her husband live there on base. I think she might be surprised at how much Corbin has grown and changed... Considering he was only 2 months old when she left! Hello! He went from newborn to toddler! Oh. Em. Gee.

Oh yeah...how could I forget?!  The most traumatizing experience as a mother yet. Last week Corbin fell down two concrete stairs outside and face planted in concrete. I knew this would eventually happen once he started climbing stairs.  I turned my back to water the flowers for TWO SECONDS! Yeeeeeah... Not his (or my!) best moment. A week later, the bruising is almost gone and a little scar is left by his eye. No concussion or anything serious. THANK THE LORD! First of many, though, I'm sure!

The scene of the crime

At the doctor's office

The night after it happened!  UGH!

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

So that's pretty much what's new in my life. It's never dull around here. Boredom is not an option!

My Life in Real-Time

I need to vent.  It's been one of those days weeks when you just feel like your head is going to blow of your shoulders because you can't handle.  You just can't.

First of all, I'm still recuperating from Corbin's birthday.  Shake your judgmental heads all you want - party planning and executing is stressful!  Plus, our checkbook is still hurtin' from it all, so we'll be eating oatmeal and spaghetti for dinner for a while.  That's life.

So that brings me to my next woe.  We got this new health insurance through Josh's work, right?  Sure.  So we needed to go get wellness physicals to prove we aren't dying or something (because looking down your throat and in your ears predicts that, eh?).  I get there and they start talking about blood work, to which I'm like, OH GREAT.  Needles. Bad.  Blood. Bad.  And after the needle/blood incident with Corbin two days ago for HIS wellness check (hello, Corbin is a bleeder and I should not have worn white that day), I was just SO excited [insert sarcasm].  But regardless, I let them stick my arm, and I said "ouch" and stared out the window while I tried to find my happy place.

Then today they called us with the results.  Evidently, nobody told me I needed to fast prior to the blood work because nobody told me I was getting blood work to start with.  Therefore, my vitals came back showing I had elevated bad cholesterol (212) which is unusual for me.  But I had really good triglycerides! And my blood pressure was low (typical) and my blood sugar was normal (typical).  Oh, and apparently I've lost a whole whopping 10 pounds in one year.  Whoop-de-do.

Then there's Josh. *sigh*

High blood pressure, high blood sugar, high cholesterol, low triglycerides. UGH.  What am I going to do to make this boy stop eating gas station muffins on his way to work!?!  I gotta give him credit for trying to eat better (less?) lately...but something else has gotta give.  Corbin and I need him around for a long, long time! I wish we could afford a gym membership but...

One. income. family.

I think I need to learn extreme couponing.  Or sell plasma.  Or something.  Because, while I love staying home with Corbin and I absolutely feel like it's the right decision, cutting your spending in half because you dropped to one income STINKS. And that's all I got to say about that.

Look at that pitiful face :(

Getting some love from Grammy

Then add to all that, Corbin has been sick, teething, and feverish (shots?) all week so it's been "fuss-whine-snot-fuss-cry-snot-whine-snot-cry-fuss-snot" all the day long.  Oh, and let's not forget it daggum TURNED WINTER AGAIN!?  What is up with that, April?  I mean really.  First you tease my kid with sunshine and dandelions then BAM it's 40 degrees and I'm covering my petunias and geraniums.  So, we've been stuck in the house and I'm just tired of sweeping and vacuuming and dishwasher-unloading and bed-making and all that jazz because there's nothing else to do while I'm procrastinating.  Except blog.  Notice the surge in blogging lately?  Yeah...

Precious bebe

I'll  miss this one day.  Ok, I already miss it.

So that's pretty much it.  Stressin' about health, money, life... the usual.   It's hard to not just implode and go hiding in the corner, whilst rocking in the fetal position.  But then I pull myself together and go searching for what God has to say when life gets too hard:

Isaiah 41:10
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'

Philippians 4:19
And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-8
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."

and my favorite...

Jeremiah 17:7-8
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.



There.  I feel a little better.  I'd feel a lot better after a nap...

Workin' 9-5...just kidding.

Because I'm absolutely NUTSO, I'm here updating my blog at 12:37 am.  Why am I up at this hour?  Well, I've sort of developed a night-owl routine.  Childless ladies and moms-to-be, you'll find you cherish these precious moments when that sweet little angel is in bed and you can finally have a minute or two to yourself.  You'll also find that using the bathroom alone is a grand luxury, as well as finishing an entire meal without stopping to pick up a sippy cup off the floor 863,372,994 times.  You'll forget what it's like to contemplate the grand questions of life in the shower because you're shaving your legs at a speed that makes you look like you just ran through a field of broken glass.  I'm sorry to burst your fantastic little pre-baby bubble, but it's just a fact of life.

Anyhoo, the whole reason I'm up tonight is because I've doing a little dabbling in marketing for a new fitness center.  I manage email communications, update the website, and promote the business through advertisements and social media.  I also do a little writing (glee!) for their weekly newsletter and will possibly be taking on some health and wellness blogging in the future.  It's really a great gig and I get to work from home.  I'm learning a lot about health and fitness, too!  Now if I could only get my rear in gear and actually attend the classes I write about!  Oy!

So yeah.  I have this vacation at Myrtle Beach coming up in about a month.  I've pretty much given up on my 30 Day Shred dvd.  I simply could not bear to stare into the cold, heartless eyes of Jillian Michaels one more day.  I did see a teeny bit of results, but just not enough to justify the former.  I really would like to start walking, but this asinine Tennessee weather can't make up its mind if it's going to be summer, spring, or winter.  I know, I know - excuses, excuses.  But I'm a working woman again!  I still have to keep house, tend to baby, and do my job.  I can't waste time all willy nilly on a walk if it's just going to rain on me.  Then again, that might give me motivation to start running!  Ha!

In case you haven't noticed, my baby is almost ONE. YEAR. OLD.  One year old.  Gah.  I just can't wrap my mind around it.  He's walking, too!  That started Easter weekend.  He really didn't try walking prior, at least not without a walker toy.  He just stood up one day and was like, "Yeah, I think today's as good a day as any to start walking.  Well, off we go!"  He's been walking ever since.  It's the most adorable thing, really.  He looks like an old geezer.  He holds his arms up at his chest and takes high steps like he has a wedgie.  Here he is "walking" Sammy. Totally precious.

And yes, I know it's been a while since I last updated you on Corbin.  To make up for it, I'll make another post with a photo montage of the last however-long-it's-been collection of cell phone pictures!  Cheers!

P.S. My birthday was the day before yesterday (4/13).  I turned 26.  Adult birthdays are non-monumental, especially when you have a kid.  Especially when his birthday is the week after yours.  Another fact of life.

Birthday girl

Her date

Her BFF

Her dinner

Her coolness

Her true self

Valentine's Day and the resurrection of this blog

Um, okay.  So, pretty much I thought that nobody was really reading my blog, so I sort of lost interest for a while and stopped writing.  Then, out of no where, I get like 3 or 4 requests from people I hardly know asking if I'm alive or been abducted by aliens and such.

I'M BACK!!!

(this is gonna take a while)

Okay, so yeah.  It's been since mid-January since we last conversed.  Since then, I have left Corbin not once, but twice, to go on a date night with Josh.  I do recall that being one of my New Years Resolutions - one date night sans Corbino every month.  So far, I've held up to my word.  I really loved it and hated it at the same time.  Part of me felt completely void and empty.  All night I felt awkward - like as if I forgot to put on a bra.  Which, duh, I was missing my 18 pounds of warm, squishy hip augmentation!  But I feel bad to admit, at the same time, I sort of loved it.  Because for a few hours I wasn't toting around a diaper bag, baby, stroller, etc.  I didn't have to worry about how much time I had before the next feeding. I didn't have to guestimate just how much longer until we entered way-too-long-between-naps-because-my-child-doesn't-sleep-in-the-car meltdown mode.  But each time we pulled up in the driveway to pick him up, I was like an over-active hyper Labrador licking the window of the car door and pawing at the handle!  It is most definitely safe to say, I missed Cor more than he missed Mama.  Maybe I'm the one who needs to cry-it-out, hmmm?

***

Corbin turned 9 months January 20th!  He weighed 18.5 lbs (50%) and was 27 inches long (25%).  He has the gross motor skills of a 12 month old (according to the doctor) and is off the charts in adorability (according to everyone on the face of the planet, and if you don't agree with me, get off my blog!)

***

Valentine's day was fun.  I bought Corbin some balloons and a stuffed bear.  Corbin gave me a really cute Fossil watch.  Gah, I love that kid.  Oh yeah, and Josh was there too.  With flowers.  He's good.

 And here's some cute-baby-crack for those of you who reeeeally missed us and need your fix:

***

So lately my new obsession has been Pinterest.  Usually, I'll peruse the "humor" section of Pinterest for eCards and Grumpy Cat pictures when there's nothing interesting going on on Facebook or Instagram.  And then I'll pin, like, 5,000 funny pictures that I'm certain everyone wants needs to see.  Then I'll go back and delete a few because they were slightly off-color and that's not how I roll, yo.

Where was I going with this...? Oh yeah.

(Yes, I literally forgot my point.  Yes, I literally typed out my question to myself.)

ANYWAY.  I've been really into fashion/clothing again.  Once upon a time, I was trendy and stylish and looked like I walked straight up out of an American Eagle advertisement.  That was before pregnancy.  Before weight gain.  Before spit up, sitting on the floor, dinner time, bath time, and back-to-bed time.  Then I started realizing that I was rotating the same 3 or 4 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans weekend after weekend.  So, I started looking at outfit ideas on Pinterest and rediscovering my style, which, was no longer head-to-toe American Eagle.  From there, I started reading fashion blogs and discovering ways to work with what you have.  By that point, I was ready to shop.  Problem was, we had no money.  So, I decided to have myself a little cyber yard sale.  I took pictures of all my clothes and listed them on Facebook.  Within a week, all my stylish smaller-than-me friends were sporting a new American Eagle and NY&CO wardrobe, and I had money to buy new clothes! That, my friends, is called a win-win.

Here is an example of me conquering my fear of 1. skinny jeans and 2. colored breeches: 

Here I am on Valentine's day rocking an infinity scarf I knitted myself:

Here is Josh. He likes button-up shirts:

***

Corbin turns 10 months!  On February 20th (Or 19th.  Evidently my brain doesn't function anymore and I posted his 10 month stats on Facebook and Instagram a day early. Whatev.)

I don't know how much he weighs or how tall he is or all that jazz, but I can tell you he:

• wears mostly 6-9 or 9 month clothes.  He's starting to venture into some 12 month territory.
• can crawl, pull up, and walk with a walker or anything he can grab onto and push across the floor (laundry basket, dog, etc).
• can stand momentarily on his own when feeling brave.
• dislikes the feel of grass.
• eats anything and everything you put in front of him.  Prefers carbs.
• is starting to get a bit of a mullet.  Party in the back.
• has two botton teeth and the workings of two top teeth.  
• enjoys beating random objects around the house with a drum stick, hair brush, or remote control. 
• is really growing a sense of humor.  Likes to laugh at me when I tell him "no."
• is becoming a real little person.
• is the most loved baby in the entire universe!