It'll be April before I stop writing 2012...

It occurred to me this day of January 2nd that I failed to make a resolution for 2013. Last year, I chose a scripture to base my life on for the year 2012. The primary focus was to do everything for the glory of God. Well, as you can imagine (and as most resolutions do), I failed to do everything to the Lord's glory. But, by striving to do everything pleasing to God, I learned how to be still and listen. Trust. Neither of those things are easy for an impulsive control freak. I learned that everything is in God's timing, and if I would just shut my pie hole for a minute and stop trying to copilot this ship, God would tell me what it is I need to do. And, believe it or not, it always winds up glorifying Him in the end.

Sneaky.

So, this year, I thought about having two resolutions. One which would bring me closer to Christ, and the other which is something more concrete.

And because I think backwards, I'll start with the last one first.

I feel like God is telling me to branch out. I believe we were put on the earth to be social creatures and that we evolve and change with time, experience, and life. This year, I've been blessed to have found friendship with an online group of moms who were all due around the same time as me. This worked out great because I could talk whenever it was convenient from me and from the comfort of my home. Which was just dandy, because with a newborn, I wasn't going anywhere I couldn't wear pajama bottoms for a looong time.

Okay, so that actually does include the local Walmart and grocery store, but that's not really the type of social interaction I was hoping for.

I want to come out of my comfort zone, stepping out from behind a computer screen, text message, or phone, and have real live face-to-face interactions. Ya know, since I now own three whole pairs of jeans...versus a week's supply of flannel pajamas pants.

My other resolution, the spiritual one, is a lot more... Personal. In a nutshell, I could just say I want to be a better Christian. But if being a teacher taught me nothing else, it's when you're listing an objective or standard for yourself or your lesson, you've got to be specific.

So, specifically, one of the things I need to work on is letting go. I've always considered myself to be a very forgiving person, but letting go has always been hard for me in a different sense. I need to let go of what was. I need to let go of bitterness, hurt, and resentment (yep, I'm not perfect). I need to let go of my desire to appease others and live up to their idea of what my potential is. I even need to let go of sentimentality. Just because something served me well in the past, doesn't mean it's the best for me now. And finally, I need to let go of worry, fear, and doubt. I don't know why I continue to carry these things around with me. Seriously. Everything, in hind sight, has always worked out for my good. So why can't I seem to let go of the control and...

Let God.

There it is. The hardest thing for a person like me to do. The most mentally disturbing task for a "just let me do it myself because if it tears up I'll only have myself to blame" kinda gal. I'm learning to let God tell me what to do, how to handle it, when, how, not now, wait and see. It's not easy. I don't really like it. But it is making me a stronger Christian. And that, I like.

So, 2013. A year to stop trying to figure it out on my own and let God direct my life. I feel many doors closing behind me. But even if God has me sitting in an empty room with no windows for a while, that'll be alright, too. Because, I know joy, like the sun, comes with every morning. And I don't need a window to see the light of the Son shining.

You like what I did there? Yeah, you know you did.

Happy 2013 everyone!